Monday, October 15, 2012

A Bi Blast from the Past: Colorbinumbers

This is a found commentary I posted online years ago.  Im sure I was responding to some question in the Down Low Forum, although I do not remember the entire context.  Certainly, it seems I included the question in the commentary.

Having founded Colorbinumbers, a bisexual support group for people of color and their friends, I was one of very few black men in the mid-nineties out and posting online about bisexuality and its issues.  We have come a very loooong way since then.  Back then, finding community as a black bisexual person was almost unheard of.  There was BiNet, but when I started Atlantas first bisexual support group, The Bisexual Atlanta Resource Network, they didnt have a presence in Atlanta yet.  It was only after the BARN they connected with us and established the beginning of a presence there.

Wow!  Just thinking about those days seem like a dream sequence in a movie.  LOTS has happened since then. Yikes!

Anyway, is the found commentary from way back when.  The website doesnt have a date, but I havent used the email address since before '98.  Here is the site.

Is bisexuality in vogue? No, I dont think it is. I think that people are both fascinated by the idea of it and repulsed by the fear of it. Many people know deep in their hearts that they would love to live as bi people with all that being bi offers, both imagined and real, but they cant see how to do it without shaking up the very fiber of their mental, spiritual and physical being.

Bisexuality seemingly threatens the very social structure we live in. As bisexuals we pose a threat to the traditional tenants of marriage, partnership and sexual availability. We threaten the constructs of male and female relationships and role-playing. Most people are afraid that if they say they are bi they will lose something whether it be political affiliation or familial relationships. When we add to that an already homophobic black culture we increase the fear one thousand fold. If you are gay you can create a life for yourself devoid of any contact with het people. You can also do that in the reverse, not connecting with many gay peeps, but as a bi person who is "out AND black" you experience what true social alienation is all about. Hets refer to you as a mythical creature who spreads AIDs. Gays say you lie and cant be trusted, apparently more than str8 and gay peeps. Black people say we are a compromise to the race AND freaks to boot. Oh and why dont you just go on and admit you're gay while you're at it. Meanwhile there is such a desire within the bi community to project a wholesome image to the world and thus circumvent the fear, that they too create an environment where bi people who do in fact love to date men and women simultaneously have to do so at the risk of being politically incorrect.

Why do we have to have all these rules about sexuality to begin with? Why are we threatened by who someone else is fucking or wanting to fuck? Does it really matter? Well, the insurance companies seem to think so. Government and churches seem to think so. Banks seem to think so. No one wants to have to spend the extra money involved in acknowledging the sanctity of an alternative relationship. Meanwhile most bi folk just wanna have a decent life like anyone else so we hide. There is no community big enough and strong enough to protect most bi folk. Most peeps just want to do there job and go home to whomever they live with to do whatever they do with discretion. Its unfortunate that we have to choose between being honest about who we are and having our lives disrupted, or lying about it and being able to at least hold on to a glimmer of love from somebody.

Im an openly bisexual blackman. I tell the women I sleep with and the men (before I fuck em). Im out publicly in my work and hope to write on the subject soon. Ive put a lot on the line to be who I am and Ive sacrificed a lot. I have opinions about married men not telling their wives but I know different people are in different places, most living in fear.

He who is without sin cast the first stone..........................

My online moniker was Smoke back then.  Today... A. Grey

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